7 Reasons I’m Not The Whitest Black Person You Know

 
 
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If I slapped everyone who told me I was the whitest black person they know I’m pretty sure I’d be in the Guinness Book of World Records.

“The most people to be slapped by a single person under 30 is 5 million and was achieved by Tiffany Perkins in 2019.”

The fact that I have to make a list of reasons I’m NOT the whitest black person you know is ridiculous AF. But, here we are so here you go:

  1. I’m black

  2. Both of my parents are African-American which makes me African-American

  3. Still black

  4. I’m not white

  5. My grandparents, grandparents are black which makes me black 

  6. Melanin

  7. see 1-6

What’s frustrating about this sentiment is that I honestly don’t think most people mean it from a negative place. In some weird way I think for white people it’s a connector-something to make the only black persons in the room feel like one of the gang. But, in reality it’s more isolating than literally being the only black person in the room.

Most times I just ignore it. Like I said before I’m sure they mean well. It’s usually easier to fake a smile than to spend the next 30 minutes explaining an obvious problem. (Also the constant struggle to not be the angry black girl causing a scene is REAL. But that’s another post for another day.)

It’s taken some time, but I’ve made peace with the fact that I have a few problematic friends. Like my girl M.O said “We live by the paradigms we know.” I too can be problematic, so I remind myself of this often and try to take on the role of educator instead of agitator when conversations get out of pocket.

After awhile, though, being the one who constantly takes it on the chin starts to feel like some fuck shit. I mean I get it - we can’t know everyone’s triggers, BUT COME ON! Some of this stuff is way too simple for me to even have to waste my time explaining. But, when I constantly have to explain the simple things AND do so in a way that doesn’t offend anyone, whew chilé.

takes a deep breath

And before this gets mistaken for the intro to Dear White People s4 I want to make sure and note that this is a huge issue with black people as well.

Yup, I said it! It really do be your own people. You would’ve thought I was some sort of Nabisco superhero the way black people called me Oreo growing up.

“Black people don’t talk like that.” “Black people don’t listen to that.” “Black people don’t (insert whatever dumb ass anti-stereotype you can imagine)”

It’s so incredibly tired! It’s so incredibly ignorant!

For anyone who is confused and anyone who thinks ya girl suffers from re-vitiligo let me be clear:

I am black.

I was black yesterday. I will be black tomorrow and every day following that. My blackness isn’t contingent on my taste in tv, how I pronounce words, nor the men I share my bed with. I am just as black rapping Kendrick Lamar as I am singing along to Death Cab for Cutie. The extra “a” I drag on the end of most of my sentences is just as black and how frequently I use the N word. Black people eat avocado!!!!!!

I.AM.BLACK.

So, before you fix your lips to call me anything else (whether to include or exclude me) please be ready to run some 23 + Me receipt. There is not one type of black person and it’s not a compliment to be characterized as the exception to the rule.

I’m tired y’all. My homies out here just trying to be their most authentic selves are tired.

Please do better. Thank you.

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